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Writer's Block: And the Apple Goes To

Who is/was your favorite teacher in school?

Vincent Nasta, one of my art teachers from high school. He was like a second father to me and was one of the most compassionate and encouraging people I've ever met. Unfortunately, he passed away a year ago (today actually) flying a plane during an air show in Upstate NY. He had a passion for flying and was an amazing artist.

Writer's Block: Bite Me

From Dr. Polidori's Lord Ruthven to Stephenie Meyer's Edward Cullen, the annals of vampire lore are filled with attractive, charming bloodsuckers. Which one would you most want to be bitten by?
Lestat or Alice Cullen
I'm bored so I decided to scan some of my photos for my Portrait assignment for my photography class. I love how they came out, they're of Jessica and Drew..

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Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Image hosted by Photobucket.com


I don't know where to start, what to say. I feel so emotionally crappy and whatnot.

My meds aren't helping anymore and I feel like I have hit rock bottom...but thats probably just the bipolar talking. I just want things to be normal, I don't want to be depressed...and I don't want to be so extremely happy that I can't control what I do. I feel like I have to type in here about pointless bullshit in order to prevent myself from doing something stupid...and I feel like I will do something stupid tonight if I don't keep myself occupied.

I can't sleep, some people were over before. My brother is depressed which brings me down more, he was crying and everything. I just don't know what to do.

I can't stand this rambling, I can't stand the thoughts in my mind, I can't stand life.

I'm gonna go, I can't do this journal thing anymore.

Oct. 22nd, 2005

I got my tattoo yesterday, it came out awesome. I'll post pictures when I get the chance..

I Play Dead...

Play dead again. It just might stop before the end.
If I pretend you may not see the pain I'm in.

So close to me, can't tell what I'm supposed to be.
Don't stop to breathe, can't bear to think what you might see.
This tourniquet, these blessed hands around my head
So I can keep from...

I've got to find a way to stop before it starts.
Finding its way through my veins right to my heart.
I never thought it something everyone could see.
And it kills within me.

I won't, I won't leave without a trace.
I won't be erased.

It's in my head, I can't forget what you once said.
The words I read, the fractured soul that I can't mend.
Right here with me, killing the void I used to be.
Remembering through fading sparks of memory.

Two broken hands lift seven wounds and fight to stand
To keep the lungs from..

I've got to find a way to stop before it starts.
Finding its way through my veins right to my heart.
I never thought it something everyone could see.
And it kills within me.

I won't, I won't leave without a trace.
I won't be erased.

Turning. It's moving. Escaping right through me.
I care not. I bleed not. For you I believe not.
I play dead.

Sep. 26th, 2005

1) Bold what is true about you.
2) Italicize what you wish were true about you.
3) Add one true thing about you to the end of the list.
4) tag 6 or more people

* I miss somebody right now.
* I don't watch much TV.
* I love olives.
* I own lots of books.
* I wear glasses or contact lenses.
* I love to play video games.
* I've tried marijuana.
* I've watched porn movies.
* I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
* I believe honesty is almost always the best policy.
* I curse.
* I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
* I carry a knife (almost) everywhere with me.
* I have broken someone's bone.
* I have a secret that I am too ashamed to reveal.
* I hate the rain.
* I'm paranoid.
* I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
* I need money right now.
* I love sushi.

* I talk really, really fast.
* I have fresh breath in the morning.
* I have long hair.
* I have lost money in Las Vegas.
* I have at least one sibling.
* I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
* I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
* I like the way that I look.
* I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.
* I know how to cornrow.
* I am usually pessimistic.
* I have a lot of mood swings.
* I think prostitution should be legalized.

* I have a hidden talent.
* I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
* I have a lot of friends.
* I have kissed a non-relative of the same sex on the cheek.
* I enjoy talking on the phone.

* I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
* I love to shop.
* I would rather shop than eat.
* I would classify myself as ghetto.
* I'm obsessed with my LiveJournal.
* I don't hate anyone.
* I'm a pretty good dancer.
* I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
* I have a cell phone.
* I have passed out drunk.
* I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
* I want to have children in the future.
* I have changed a diaper before.

* I've called the cops on a friend before.
* I'm not allergic to anything.
* I have a lot to learn.
* I am shy around the opposite sex.

* I'm online 24/7, counting away messages.
* I have at least 5 away messages saved.
* I have tried alcohol or drugs before.

* I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
* I own the "South Park" movie.
* I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or LiveJournal.
* I enjoy some country music.
* I would die (with) my best friends.
* I watch soap operas whenever I can.
* I'm obsessive, and often a perfectionist.
* I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
* Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
* I have dated a close friend's ex.
* I am happy at this moment.
* I'm obsessed with guys.
* Democrat.
* Conservative Republican.
* I am punk rockISH.
* I am preppy.
* I go for older guys/girls, not younger.
* I study for tests.

* I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I've ever met.
* I can work on a car.
* I love my job.
* I am comfortable with who I am right now.
* I have more than just my ears pierced.
* I walk barefoot wherever I can. (EW)
* I have jumped off a bridge.
* I love sea turtles.
* I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup.
* I believe in prophetic dreams.
* I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.

* I am proficient on a musical instrument.
* I worked at McDonald's restaurant.
* I hate office jobs.
* I go/went to college out of state.
* I am adopted.
* I am a pyro.
* I have thrown up from crying too much.
* I fall for the worst people and have been hurt every time.
* I adore bright colors.

* I love Dear Abby.
* I can't live without black eyeliner.
* I think school is awesome.
* I usually like covers better than originals.
* I hate chain theme restaurants like Applebees and TGIFridays.
* I watch Food Network way too much.
* I can pick up things with my toes. (Again, EW)
* I can whistle an actual tune.
* I have ridden/owned a horse.
* I still have every journal I've ever written in.
* I talk in my sleep.
* I've often thought that I was born in the wrong century.
* I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
* I think climbing trees is a brilliant pastime.
* I have jazz in my blood.
* I wear a toe ring.
* I have a tattoo.
* I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with.
* I am a caffeine junkie.
* I read trashy romance novels, and I am NOT ashamed.
* I love wrestling.
* I am completely tree-huggy spiritual, and I'm not ashamed at all.
* If I knew I would get away with it, I would commit at least one murder.
* I cosplayed or know what cosplaying is.

* I have been to over 15 conventions.
* I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
* I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner.
* I'm an artist.
* I am ambidextrous.
* I sleep with so many stuffed animals, I can hardly fit on my bed.
* My computer has a name.
* If it weren't for having to see other people naked, I'd live in a nudist colony.
* I have terrible teeth.
* I hate my (ALL) toes.
* I did this meme even though I wasn't tagged by the person who took it before me.
* I have more friends on the internet than in real life.
* I have lived in either three different states or countries.
* I am extremely flexible.
* I love hugs more than kisses.
* I want to own my own business.
* I smoke or have tried cigarettes.
* I spend way too much time on the computer.
* Nobody has ever said I'm normal.
* Sad movies, games, fics and the like can cause a trickle of tears every now and then.

* I am proficient in the use of many types firearms and combat weapons.
* I like the way women look in stylized men's suits.
* I don't like it when people are displeased or seem displeased with me.
* I have been described as a dreamer or likely to have my head up in the clouds.

* I have played strip poker with someone else before.
* I read the labels on food, shampoo, and other things just because.
* I have had emotional problems for which I have sought professional help.
* I believe in ghosts and the paranormal.
* I can't stand being alone.

* I have at least one obsession at any given time.
* I consistently spend way too much money on obsessions-of-the-moment.
* I'm a judgmental asshole.
* I'm a HUGE drama-queen.
* I have traveled on more than one continent.
* I sometimes wish my mother would just disappear.
* I have seen every single episode of more than one television show.
* I need people to tell me I'm good at something in order to feel that I am.
* I am a Libertarian.
* I can sing songs in languages I don't speak.
* I could speak more than one language.
* I can fall asleep even if the whole room is as noisy as it can be.
* I am ovulating.
* I believe that everything ends.
* I like happy endings.

* Other people think I ask too many questions.
* I am a closet philanthropist.
* I can recite all 50 states in alphabetical order, from memory.
* I would rather read than watch TV.

* I like reading fact more than fiction.
* I have pulled an all-nighter on an assignment I was given a month to do.
* My parents never gave me a set allowance.
* I have no piercings.
* I have spent the night in a train station or other public place.
* I have more pets than I have good friends.
* I have been so upset over my physical gender that I cried.
* I have spent Christmas completely alone.
* I've been married and am now divorced.
* There have been times when I have wondered, "Why was I born?" and may/may not have cried over it.
* I like most animals better than most people.

* I own a collection of retro games consoles.
* The thought of physical exercise makes me shiver.
* I have hit someone with a dead fish.
* I have written/read erotic stories.
* I am compulsively honest.
* I was born with a congenital birth defect that has never been repaired.
* I have danced topless in front of dozens of complete strangers. And not been ashamed.
* I have gone from wishing I was a boy to revelling in being a girl to feeling like a boy again in the span of five minutes, and not cared a whit for my actual sex.
* I am unashamedly bisexual, and have different motivations for my desires for different genders.
* I sometimes won't sleep a whole night or eat a whole day because I forget to.
* I find it impossible to get to sleep without some kind of music on.
* I dislike milk.

* I obsessively wash my hands.
* I always carry that significant something around with me.
* Sometimes I'd rather wear a wig in day-to-day life than use my own hair.
* I've pushed myself to become more self-aware and thereby more aware of others.
* I've only been sexually active with one person, ever.
* I collect/used to collect comic books
* I love someone who will never love me in return.
* I have health problems that I can do little or nothing about.
* I have given my "everything" to a person, only to have them hurt me horribly.
* I sometimes eat compulsively.
* I think 90% of high fashion is either boring or hideous.
* I've worked hard on a big project/paper and then failed to use it/turn it in.
* I've really regretted being an American in recent years.
* I am delaying much-needed sleeping to do this meme.
* Um, I bowl.
* I hate WalMart, but I shop at Target all the time.
* I love making random things that I'll never wear or use
* I don't have five friends to tag

Tela, Jessica,Brianna, and i dont feel like thinking of other people..

it's been awhile...

It's been awhile since I last updated. My mom is getting married and has a gorgeous enagagement ring and wedding band. I got a job at zumiez and I love it more than any other job I've ever had. The people there are so awesome.

I start school on Tuesday. I'm looking forward to it. I'm taking: Intro to Literature, Western Civilization II, Algebra I, Mythology and Photography. I only have school on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays which is great. It leaves me plenty of time to make sure I get my work and crap done...and so I can take on more hours at work.

I got my industrial pierced the other day and I have begun to stretch my ears, one ear is a 6 gauge and the other is an 8.

Everyone went off to college and now it's becoming more real as to how we probably won't see half of our friend as often....if ever for the rest of our lives. We are all going our separate ways and that's pretty much the end of it. Thankfully, some of my close friends chose to reamin on the island for college and go to Suffolk like me.

I've been cleaning and preparing to move because I am moving to Manorville in a couple of months. Tomorrow I have a busy day, I have to go back to Suffolk to hand in my FAFSA form and to buy my textbooks. It seems like my busy-ness is never ending...
surgery tomorrow morning....fun...

i will be in the hospital overnight.

ben comes home from the hospital today, i'm not really looking forward to it.. :(

i have had so many breakdowns over this past weekend and i think that I am slowly starting to crack...I can't take things anymore....I just want all of this to end..
I just got home from Virginia yesterday, and I have been depressed ever since being back on this island. I hate Long Island, I want to live in Virginia Beach so bad and I plan on being down there within a year or so. I was down there for my cousin Rick's wedding and it was so beautiful. The wedding was in North Carolina and it was on the beach in front of a lighthouse. The reception was at this 1.6 million dollar house that was so gorgeous. The day overall was great, it was relaxed and laid back, the best way to have a wedding in my opinion. We stayed at my cousin Jillian's house in Virginia Beach for several days.

It was so fun, I never wanted to leave. We spent so much time down at the beach on the boardwalk and just relaxed and enjoyed being around family. Now I'm back here and back to the suckiness of Riverhead...